'Fear' Career Moves
2nd-Class Stars, Fun to the Max

Daily News

November 27, 2001

 

For sheer pleasure, it is tough to top the sight of Donny Osmond's head trapped in a pile of writhing, biting scorpions, millipedes and worms.

Emerging from the clear-plastic enclosure that has allowed "Fear Factor" cameras to film this strangely satisfying sequence, Osmond turns to host Joe Rogan and says: "Forty-two years being in show business, and it's come to this."

Yes, Donny, it has.

The definition of "celebrity" obviously has been broadened for purposes of tonight's special celebrity edition.

Osmond is one of six — David Hasselhoff, Kelly Preston, Coolio, Joanie Laurer and Brooke Burns are the others — competing to win the show's $50,000 top prize for a charity of their choice. (Losers' charities get $25,000.) Entertainment value oozes from the very seams of tonight's show, including the little tale-of-the-tape profiles and voice-overs that describe each contestant. Osmond, for example, expresses frustration — as he has for the last couple of decades — with his public image as a "white-bread, milk-drinker."

He wants us to know that that's inaccurate.

"As a matter of fact," Osmond insists, "I hate milk."

Hasselhoff — one of the few people in show business who can sound cocky even when he's being self-deprecating — says he wants to win so that his children won't think he's a wimp. (Not to give anything away, but I'm afraid Hasselhoff still has some work to do in this area.)

In celebrity terms, Hasselhoff first rose to prominence playing a supporting role to a talking car in "Knight Rider," then moved up to being, essentially, a male backdrop for busty bikinied women in "Baywatch."

As we all know, Hasselhoff is a huge star in Germany.

Meanwhile, tonight's show lists Joanie Laurer's occupation as "formerly Chyna of WWF." Alas, her game participation here suggests that it's difficult for someone to make a living as a former someone else. (Is it petty to point out that whoever is responsible for Joanie's troweled-on eye makeup might want to consider another line of work?)

I haven't run into anyone who recalls ever having seen the famous celebrity Brooke Burns in anything. She apparently worked on "Baywatch" for a season or two in the late '90s, and she is listed in the cast credits of "Shallow Hal," Gwyneth Paltrow's current movie. In tonight's show, Burns keeps her charisma well-hidden.

Kelly Preston, of course, has at least a marginal claim on mainstream celebrity by virtue of a couple of well-received movie roles ("Jerry Maguire" is usually cited) and her marriage to John Travolta.

(Pssst: Could he be tonight's "mystery" celebrity? Duhhhh.)

Preston gets the Rock-Solid-Commitment Award for declaring early on that "I'll still pretty much do almost anything, within reason." Talk about going out on a limb.

Beyond all this fun, there also is something refreshingly logical about the participation of these demi-celebs that has been missing from previous "Fear Factor" shows.

Given the meager prize money involved, it never really has made sense for ordinary people to subject themselves to the gross-out portions of "Fear Factor" — being gnawed on by big bugs, eating live insects and so on.

But watching Osmond, Hasselhoff, Coolio, Laurer, Burns and even Preston endure these little humiliations, hilariously trying to trash-talk each other in the process, it all becomes clear:

They need the exposure.